the dark autumn hour

Transition

2011-03-18T16:20:00.000-07:00

I am starting to prepare for the big changes that are sure to come in the next few months. I will be a doctor in about 3 months and starting residency in 4. I will actually be in charge of saving people and this is scary! I am not ready for this and just hope I can learn enough in the next few months not to kill anyone. I will also be moving somewhere completely new. Where I don't know anyone (other than my husband). This is exciting and nerve racking at the same time. I am excited to meet new friends, shop at the several farmers' markets around, and maybe buy our first house. These are all big steps for me. These are also big steps for my husband. He knows I will not be around during residency like I am now. Hopefully he will be able to form a great group of friends and supporters up there and hopefully he will be happy. We are both ready to be Mainers though. We are both ready to enjoy what Maine has to offer and to enjoy the outdoors. We will miss West Virginia, that is for sure, but at least Maine is similar in a lot of ways. I still feel like there is so much more to enjoy in West Virginia that I haven't gotten a chance too. I suppose this is just life. We do hope that people will be able to come visit and help us enjoy Maine!!

In other news, my cousin Kim received a double lung transplant a week ago tomorrow. She is still on a vent but doing well. Her kidneys shut down after the surgery but are picking up. Today, she is supposed to get a trach and hopefully she will be able to talk soon. She is aware of what is going on. We are all wanting her to get her strength up as fast as possible. I am so so happy but am continuing to pray that everything goes well. She only had 1 more week left before she was going to be taken off the transplant list and so she was given lungs that may have not been the best. There have been some issues with them but they will be okay according to the doctors at Cleveland Clinic. At least they are so much better than what she has had for her whole life (she has suffered from Cystic Fibrosis and has outlived her life expectancy). Her family has gone through a lot in the past few years with her younger sister dying of CF and Kim deciding she would be put on the transplant list. Her father was also diagnosed with colon cancer a year ago. So they need good news more than anyone I know. Continuing to pray for improvement!!

Also praying for those in Japan especially my roommate from college Akina, who I haven't been able to get a hold of. Wishing I knew the last names of her friends, maybe I could find them. I feel so bad about what is going on over there. It is gut wrenching.

Match Day

2011-02-15T18:15:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was Match Day (yes, it was also Valentine's Day which is slightly less important). It was the day I figured out where I and my husband will be for the next 3 or 4 years! I matched Family Medicine in Bangor, Maine! I am a Mainer woohoo. It is a more intensive program than most family med places but I get to do as much ob as I want and as many gyn procedures as I want in the office!! Exciting stuff.

Rank List Rank List

2011-02-01T17:42:00.000-08:00

I submitted my rank list last Friday. On its due date. I am still unsure about it. The thought of what I ranked where makes me sick to my stomach. Just try having to make a decision that will not only determine where you will live for the next 3 to 4 years but also determine what you will be doing for the REST OF YOUR LIFE! I have both OB and FM programs on my list and I am still not sure about what I want to do. In some ways I think I will be way happier doing FM. I have 7 programs ranked, four OB and 3 FM. I feel good about the program I have in 4th, I know I will match there if I don't my top three, however, I am wondering if I should have just put it first so I could move on with my life and start planning things now. I really don't think I will match my top three though. Two OB and another FM. I got a call from one OB place about my interested but they didn't say anything about theirs...so I still think it is questionable about matching there. We shall see I guess. I just thought I should try to do OB since I have wanted to do it for so long. I am really stressed out about it. February 14th can't come soon enough! I think my hubby and I will spend Valentine's Day looking at housing and apartment listings to wherever I match...sounds like fun to me!!

140 Days...til Graduation!

2011-01-08T13:47:00.000-08:00

I can't believe it is so close to graduation! I am getting excited but am oh so nervous. I have so far to go still though...good times!

I have been doing my audition rotation in Columbus. It has been great. However, I am still not 100% set on OB so we shall see. I have three more weeks to finalize my match list. I am also starting to feel bad about not applying to certain programs. Anyways, these past few weeks have been a good learning experience if nothing else. I have seen some interesting things i.e. an external cephalic version done when a patient was in labor whose baby was breech (it was successful and she had a vaginal birth, leaving both mom and baby happy!) and a ruptured uterus. The hospital I am at has a lower c-section rate I think (there has only been 3 or 4 there since I have been there) so that's good at least. The ruptured uterus was crazy to see! We had a patient who had two previous c-sections who was scheduled for a third. She had been really sick for about a week and a half before she was scheduled and had a severe cough. When the doctor got through the peritoneum the baby was right there in the sack, NO UTERUS! It was very scary for everyone. They got the baby out and mom started bleeding a lot. They found the upper uterine segment attached to the abdominal wall and the lower attached to the bladder. Taking that down and reattaching the two ends was very interesting. They got everything under control and closed. It is so scary to think what would have happened if she would have went into labor. That baby right there. The uterus didn't bleed before because it was so scared. So, needless to say, it was an amazing experience. I was very happy mom and baby were okay. They think that maybe it ruptured during the week when she was coughing so hard. I've also gotten to see some neat surgeries! Now all I have to decide is what to do..what to do...what to do??

Once again, I am on the road.

2010-11-21T10:48:00.000-08:00

We have now left Charleston and are in Madison for the month. It should be a great month. We are staying with some great people and it is nice to have some time in a different city. I am trying to slowly decide what to do next year. Why does it have to be so hard!

BTW Here are some wedding pictures I have yet to post...We had such a great day! We also loved our photographer (http://www.theroguemagnoliablog.com/)...

Exhausted

2010-11-10T19:58:00.000-08:00

Interviews are making me feel so exhausted! I haven't even been on that many (5 so far) but they are just so draining. I have about half OB and half FM interviews scheduled. I am still not sure what I want to do 100% but I do know I love OB and can't leave it behind..so I am really hoping I match OB. I feel, however, I screwed up my first choice for OB. I was so nervous for the interview and sounded like such a dumb kid. It was really laid back but I was like a deer in headlights the whole time from the very beginning to the end. I haven't even been phased in other interviews when they sit there and pimp me..so I have no idea why I freaked out about this one. I still really really really want to match there! However, I have a feeling that it is about everyone else that interviewed number 1's too. So we will see..Feb 14th can't come fast enough.

I am on family medicine right now and I love my doctor. She tells me everyday not to go into family medicine though. It is pretty hilarious.

I am also feaking out because I am late..as in my period. Ha..I def could be pregnant which would suck because then I would be due about half way into my first month of residency..blah! So I guess we will see. I am really hoping I am not and am not sure what I will even do if I am. Jeremiah says he has my support either way. Why is this happening! I need to be not so stupid.

I am so sick of people here saying bad crap about 'Obamacare'. It is driving me CRAZY.

Long time no post...

2010-10-15T16:11:00.000-07:00

So I got married! Three weeks ago..it was very exciting, laid back and a lot of fun.

In other news, I am currently living in Portland, Maine for the month doing a NICU rotation. It is pretty much awesome! I love being with the babies all day, however, it is a hard rotation with long hours and sad stories. I am in the highest level NICU and we have some very sick babies, which is stressful and scary. My first day I was given the responsibility of caring for two of the babies, which made me so nervous since I had no idea what I was doing. However, my babies behaved themselves and I had a good day. The next day they gave me a baby on a vent. Ahh! The day was kinda nuts but it went fine. Since then, I have been able to see the birth of a 25 week old girl, 25 week old twins, a 27 week old boy and several 34 week kids. I can't believe how small the 25 week babies are! It is crazy. Their feet are about an inch long and they weight about 14 ounces! My smallest babe was a little over 2 lbs when I got him but now he is much larger (a whole 3 lbs!). He is adorable and I just want to give him kisses. All of this scares the crap out of me and makes me very nervous to have my own babies. It also makes me question going into ob/gyn. Hmmm....

I have had a few interviews for ob/gyn and one for fm. I have a lot more interviews to go. I keep running through things in my head..should I go into ob/gyn or should I go into fm and have a better lifestyle, a better chance to have a good family life, and be able to do ob and peds in my practice? I am very confused and feel like I have run out of time. I am not sure what to do! I should have just applied to FM residencies in places I might want to live. Dangit! Although, I think I would still be happy matching OB. What should I do? I am so passionate about OB but I want to have a good life too....shoot.

Woohoo

2010-08-27T20:10:00.000-07:00

I got my first interview for an OB program!! So excited!!!!

I have one more week of my OMT rotation..I feel like I am getting my hands back which is awesome. I also did some acupuncture this week! How exciting!

D-day

2010-08-22T20:57:00.001-07:00

I take my boards tomorrow. I feel like vomiting.

Five More Days

2010-08-18T07:30:00.000-07:00

I have five more days until I take my Step 2 boards. I am ready to get it over with but am SO nervous. I am taking a practice test tomorrow to decide if I want to push it back or not. AHHH. I am just frustrated with myself. Why do I put everything off till the last second! I guess I like to stress myself out!

On another note, I found a new apartment for Jeremiah and I to move into after we get married. It is only two doors down from my current apartment (same building, same floor), which I find amusing. I currently live in a studio apartment, which would be doable for us, however, I would rather have a little more space if available. This apartment came open on Saturday down the hall and I told the landlord I wanted it on Sunday. It is a little bit more expensive and has a living room, dinning room and a bedroom! Considering I only have one room right now, we are both really excited to have more room. Jeremiah is especially happy since this now means he can bring some of his furniture with him. We also have room for visitors! Exciting stuff I tell ya!

PS. I read a blog called pacing the panic room. It is amazing and I always enjoy it. Anyways this video was just posted and it is Awesome!

http://vimeo.com/14235967

Step 2

2010-08-13T17:30:00.000-07:00

Right now, I am busy studying for step 2 boards. It is rough! I trying my best to do 8 hour days but it is hard..and I really am ending up doing 5 hour days. I feel exhausted already and still have a little over a week left. I am nailing down my schedule for the fall which is nice though! I am hoping I end up getting an ob rotation in Columbus, even though it will be past interview dates. So far I am going to Portland Maine, Madison Wisconsin, and Columbus? Then I will be in Charleston the rest of the time.

Well..enough break, back to studying for me! Hoping I don't stay up as late as I have been (studying til 4am doesn't make sense for anyone!)

Boards..once again

2010-08-03T14:24:00.001-07:00

I have three weeks till Boards..freaking out!

I just read a article on how Gisele Bundchen had a water birth at home. In the article, she also stated how birth didn't hurt. It is pretty neat to hear a celebrity, especially some big fancy supermodel, say those things about her birth. She also says that she thinks it should be a world wide law that women have to breast feed till their baby is at least 6 months old. I wish more people thought like that...hopefully when I am an OB I'll be able to convince some of my patients!

Stress and my Future

2010-07-27T20:57:00.000-07:00

I can't tell you how stressed I am. I take step 2 boards in 4 weeks and haven't studied that much as of yet..but I am trying to tell myself that I still have FOUR weeks. Right? I am also trying to plan my wedding which is in 2 months. This is a lot of stuff to do. On top of that I am trying to figure out my next year, calling and emailing residencies all day. It is hard! I wish I had OB rotations set up where I want to do but that is harder done than said. Praying that I at least hear from a couple programs this week. I also am trying to figure out my mandatory rotations for next year too. All of this with NO help sucks! Needless to say my apartment is disgusting..I don't care about laundry or the dishes when I get home.

I did apply to my DO OB programs this weekend, which is scary and exciting at the same time. I will be applying to MD OB programs and MD FM-Women's Health residencies. I really hope it works out..I really want to do OB at this point..I think I made that clear in my personal statement, which I hope they read.

Why do things tend to happen all at once? I think God is just testing me to see how much weight I can handle on my shoulders..I know I can do it though!

Officially a Fourth year!

2010-07-06T16:46:00.000-07:00

So, it is now about 10 months until I graduate and get the letters D.O. after my name. This is both exciting and scary! Hoping I learn enough in the next ten months to make me feel a lot less nervous about being in charge of people's lives!

My peds rotation kind of did end up changing things. My rankings of residencies are still OB as number one but peds is definitely a close second. I liked working with the kids and think I would enjoy inpatient, besides you have a much better lifestyle. It sucks thinking about lifestyle but you have to! I feel bad because I am so passionate about Ob and women's health issues that I don't want to leave it behind. I guess we will just see what happens. I am going to apply to both programs and see what happens.

I am now on anesthesiology and it is so boring! It isn't for me at all but at least I am getting a lot of practice with intubating and placing I.V.s. Today, when we went to do an epidural I just wanted to stay on the OB floor. I wish I could have said, "Hey anesthesiology doc, I know it is my first day but can I abandon your service and just stay here!". We even went and did a bolus on a patient who was about to deliver and my OB preceptor was the doc..I wanted to stay with him so bad it hurt walking out of the room! Overall, it was a good day though! I have a night of reading about anesthesiology drugs in front of me though because I know nothing about them really, their mechanisms especially. I also got pimped all day on the brachial plexus, what the crap! I haven't even really looked at that since studying for step 1. Looks like I will have a fun night tonight!

Wedding plans are coming together (kinda!). I have to order flowers and figure out the menu, but that is about it. I think I have a photographer, which I wasn't planning in the beginning but decided I really need to have pictures so I am going to work it in somehow. I also need to plan a weekend to pick up my bf's suit and my dress. Thinking about wedding stuff right now, I need to move my ring to a safer spot since I can't wear it on this rotation. As of right now, we can't do a honeymoon which sucks but it is hard when I have a rotation in Portland starting the week after..hmm.

So, right now it is off to studying, trying to schedule rotations (btw trying to set up OB audition rotations is so hard!!!), and figuring out a budget for the next year.

Starting to like Peds!

2010-06-23T17:16:00.000-07:00

So, after a few weeks on this peds rotation I have started to actually like it. Maybe it is because of all the babies I see! Their well child visits are so fun! Hmm...this decision on what to do with my life is getting hard!

I just read this birth story, which is great: http://lumpsandwoozles.blogspot.com/2010/06/logan-james.html.

HOWEVER..at the very end she says " Turns out also that he wasn't an OB/GYN he was a DO...". Come on..DOs are doctors and can be whatever they want. How do people not get this? I try not to let it bother me..but it does! We need more DO advocacy or something out there!

NICU?

2010-06-17T13:42:00.000-07:00

Right now I am on peds rotation..the first few days made me decide it was not for me. Although, this week I did two days inpatient, which was really fun, and two days in the NICU. I love the NICU and I got to see births from a different side. The NICU is sad though and hard. Today, I got to watch a birth in which the mother had no epidural and it was so nice. The mom was fantastic and baby was great..well not exactly. She started bradying down and starting grunting and retracting..the nurses freaked out about it. I think she was fine and just needed time (and two of the NICU nurses agreed with me and told me they were embarrassed that the neonatologist was even called about it). I understand why they freaked out but if you are giving her oxygen and watching her you don't need to freak out about it..all her other stats were fine! Hmm...

Ahh nothing like Vacation

2010-06-06T16:21:00.001-07:00

So, today is the last day of my vacation! How Sad! I start pediatrics tomorrow. It is the rotation that might change all my plans so I am kind of excited/worried about it! I should be studying right now but instead I am working on a presentation for education day at my hospital site. I am doing it on a patient I saw a few months ago and further going onto discussing a few derm things like erythema multiforma, pemphigus vulgaris, TEN, etc. I think it will be good board prep stuff (hopefully!). However, I have procrastinated on this and am to turn it in by tomorrow..blah.

no more ob...sad!

2010-05-24T18:42:00.000-07:00

I have finished yet another rotation! One more rotation (peds) and I will be a forth year! This is exciting news! I am so slammed right now with things to do I can't even think about it. I am studying for boards (aug 23rd!), planning a wedding and planning my next year. I also am working on my application for residencies. I need to get working on my personal statement but have my cv done at least!

Can I just say that my OB/GYN rotation was once again great! My preceptor is just amazing. We had a long convo about other docs in the area and how the practice...he likes to make comments like if you were with so and so they would have done a c-section or an exploratory lap etc. Then we would talk about why he doesn't do that stuff in those situations and why I shouldn't either! Don't get me wrong I did disagree with him in some things but mostly I think he is a great doc! The rotation did make me baby crazy though. I really would love to have a baby but it just isn't the time. I feel like I have to PLAN EVERYTHING about my life from now on. I know I can't go to interviews being really pregnant, I don't think that would look very good!

Off to making sure I like my CV and starting a personal statement! I am writing two..one for Ob/gyn and one for family med-women's health tracks. I wish I had an in at an OB/GYN residency..but I don't..boo!

PS. I don't watch a lot of tv but I was watching 18 kids and counting and I saw the one have a wonderful homebirth..love it.

OB oh My

2010-05-11T16:59:00.001-07:00

Delivered a baby today! It was very fun! We have another mommy-to-be in labor right now..she has been having contractions for the past day..her water broke this morning and my doc is just waiting for her to progress..we will see what happens I suppose. Maybe I'll get that call at like 2 in the morning! woohoo. Hoping she actually goes into labor. I am happy my doctor gives the ladies lots of time and lets them do things on their own..however, the hospital has limits so we will see what happens.

Hoping for a birth tomorrow!

2010-05-09T20:46:00.000-07:00

Starting another 2 weeks of Ob/Gyn tomorrow! I am very excited...don't know though about being on call 24/7 for the next two weeks! I love the OB I am with and am hoping to learn a lot. Hoping it is good prep for boards! Can I say that I am sooo scared about boards..again! ugh.

I then have vacation for two weeks, and I am hoping to get a lot of stuff finished for the wedding and school rotations for next year. Why is everything adding up at one time? I suppose that is just how things happen..a big thumbs down on that.

It is that time of the year again!

2010-04-28T09:25:00.000-07:00

On my way to DC for DO Day on the Hill. I am very excited about this. DO Day is one of my favorite things of the year. It feels so good to be lobbying for healthcare and to be an active physician-to-be. My first time I must say I was nervous to speak to the senators but now I am just excited..getting all of my points that I want to make on paper so I don't sound like a fool! I am one of the lucky ones who always seems to meet with my senator and representative..not sure how that happens! (maybe it is because last year I chased down my representative in the hall going to a vote to talk to him, it is good to know what these people look like lol) I wish more people were coming to Washington, it seems like there are hardly any people coming from my school this year! This stinks but what can you do! I think the more active you are and the more you talk to the people with some power you can get things done, we just need more people to be pro-active! Wish me luck in pushing my politics..eek!

What a long day!

2010-04-26T20:09:00.000-07:00

Today was my school's OSCEs (at least for me!), which is their version of the PE. It was a very long day. I am still lost as to how I missed some of the cases, which makes me laugh! I really should focus more on what is going on! How on earth did I miss that a lady was having a stroke? hmm maybe because she said she has been having the symptoms for a few weeks..besides what could we do at that point? I am losing my mind!

hilarious...

2010-04-23T08:15:00.001-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VQGpxFmxrBc&feature=player_embedded#!

so sweet

2010-04-16T23:02:00.001-07:00

http://josevillablog.com/2010/04/mary-and-leo-married-60-years/

Say it ain't so...

2010-04-12T21:11:00.000-07:00

A forth year today told me she matched into Ob/Gyn. Is it bad that after she said this I thought of saying "really? I wouldn't want you as my ob..you are so, well, unfriendly!"? Eek. I can just see her being very forceful with her patients but maybe I am so wrong because I only see one side of her, maybe, she is completely different with her patients. Hmmm...I guess we all end up doing what we are supposed to do? right? I AM SO SCARED ABOUT THIS!

Confusion

2010-04-06T12:35:00.000-07:00

I pretty much have always been stuck on OB/GYN. I really love it and I think it is what I want to do, however, I am having a lot of problems with it right now. It is hard to decide when everything you read or hear is NOT to do it. Is it really going to be that difficult? I don't know right now if I should do it now. There are other things I am interested in, so maybe I should do one of those. It is really stressful right now! I think if I did Ob/Gyn I would be a great advocate for women and their births. However, I am nervous about being on call everyday all day and about the malpractice. Is that why they say don't do Ob/Gyn? Why is this so difficult? Why can't I know 100% what I want to do with my life? Ugh

On other news, this mine explosion is not so far from me and it is really rocking the community. I feel really bad for the miners and their families and am keeping them in my thoughts and prayers!

Hooray

2010-03-29T12:33:00.001-07:00

I am in my third week of psych..and I don't mind it! I got to watch ECT today and tomorrow I get to 'push the button'. eek!

I want to say a big yay! MY fiance's brother and his wife had their baby early this morning..haven't heard much about the delivery yet though! Juniper Evelyn Berger

Oh Boy

2010-03-17T13:52:00.000-07:00

Finally on a rotation where I can just chill..Psych! It is really easy and laid back. Even though I am not doing much or learning anything for that matter, I think this rotation was much needed. I have so much on my plate right now so it is nice to have the time to figure things out.

Planning the wedding is going along slowly but I feel okay about everything. Jeremiah is really helping with everything so that is nice. It is great that both of us our involved.

Planning next year out is completely opposite. I am trying to figure out what rotations to do and where. I really like OB/GYN of course but now am second guessing my decision based on all the factors you have to consider! i.e. residency life, lifestyle after graduating, money, ability to have a family and children, and the list goes on. I have started researching being a Laborist..who knows?? If I don't do OB what should I do for a living? I would like to think about peds but really I don't think I would be able to pay back my student loans that well. This is such a hard decision. I just don't know what I want to do for the rest of my life that will make me happy..it isn't like I can just switch!

At least it is warm outside so I can take long walks to figure this stuff out in my head...ha!

I've made it...almost

2010-03-10T20:07:00.000-08:00

ONE MORE DAY LEFT..of internal med! I am so happy that it is almost over because I really can't take it anymore. I feel like I have been on fam med for another 8 weeks and it is killing me. It isn't that I don't like family med, it is just that I am so gosh darn bored. Also, my doctor is kind of an ass but I guess you will get that on rotations. Hmm...I am also deciding I hate 'medicine'..i.e. taking care of people who just have HTN, diabetes or sinus infections...now a pregnant woman with HTN that is a different story lol!

I am starting psych next..in the psych ward woooo. It should be okay I hope! I am soo not into psych at all.

Signed up for another ob rotation for my elective in May. Very excited about it! I am picking what residency programs I am looking at now and am busy setting up rotations for next year. This is really hard, esp when you get no direction from your school.

umm..yeah

2010-03-03T21:10:00.000-08:00

http://abc.go.com/shows/jamie-olivers-food-revolution

This I hope is going to be good but I really don't know. I actually live here (well, in West Virginia at least) which is sad. It is so true that people here are so unhealthy! Ohhh West Virginia. I just hope the show doesn't play up all those stereotypes out there about wvers.

ugh

2010-02-15T17:21:00.000-08:00

Why do some docs feel like they have to abuse their students just because they were abused at some point during their schooling. Hey DOC you aren't teaching me by asking me questions over and over and over again!

2010-02-14T10:28:00.000-08:00

Happy V-DAY!!!

Here I am again...

2010-02-11T19:58:00.001-08:00

Whoa...I feel like I haven't been on here in forever but really it has only been 4 weeks. I have been on my rural family med rotation in RURAL West Virginia, which was very interesting because, well, I got to meet some very interesting people. It was awesome actually. My doc was super laid back and very nice. I, however, had to leave early several times and showed up late several times due to snow (hello we have gotten like 50 inches in the last month!). This led to me driving to and from work white knuckled most days...there is no such thing as a straight road here (at least one that goes for very long!).

I have started to figure out my fourth year..first thing was scheduling my boards! AHHH. August 23rd for the written..I was hoping I could take it the 20th but no dates were available then, maybe some will open up. I don't know when to take the PE yet. It is also 1100 bucks, so I am not sure how I am paying for it either! I am trying to decide where to do my electives and what not. It sure is a lot to think about right now..whoever said 3rd year was easier was right but I think it is a lot more stressful too!

I am setting up things for my wedding too! It is very exciting. We set the date, the location and the place for reception..now we are working on the food. It is a lot of work. I did get my dress though, exciting!

2009 out 2010 in

2009-12-31T11:01:00.000-08:00

Happy New Years Everyone!

I am in the ER now...was told not to come in tonight or tomorrow because it will be 'too crazy!'. (that is okay with me!). ER has been good so far and I have been doing more. I have given shots, reduced a dislocated shoulder, helped with a lumbar puncture, stapled a woman's head back together, diagnosed a pelvic abscess, did several pelvic exams and several other things. I have seen so many different types of patients: elderly people, babies, drug seekers, suicidal patients and so on. It has been a lot better than I thought and I love the ER docs! Another one to keep on my list! (OB is still at the top!)

Well now I am going to go take a nap and then head on down to Lewisburg!

Oh and I got engaged on Christmas Eve..so exciting!

rant

2009-12-22T17:06:00.000-08:00

Okay..so this is a little rant about boards! Why are step 2 boards so expensive! How does one expect a medical student to pay over 1600 dollars for a test! It is crazy. The written is about 500 and the PE is about 1100. You have to add in a flight and hotel room in Philly too! It is just so much to think about right now. I don't even have the money, which is why I have yet to sign up and the test dates are pretty much booked up until November now for the PE, which sucks! I don't know how everybody does it!

One positive is that I am pretty dead set on OB/GYN at this point. I started ER (today was my second day) and it isn't as bad as IM but isn't my bag either. So far I have done my first intubation though, which is exciting! I also did my first ER pelvic exam on a woman with pelvic pain. My doc asked if I need him to come me and needed me in the room and I said no that I had and I would be fine, which I think made him happy ( I did have a student nurse help me out, you have to have someone else in the room duh!). Two days down of ER 14 to go! Hopefully we get some cool trauma on New Year's! Okay I shouldn't say that..but I can't help it!

white christmas

2009-12-19T08:02:00.001-08:00

It is snowing..a lot! whoop..too bad I can't go anywhere now.

Done with IM..thankfully!! The rotation was way too boring for me. Now off to ER on Monday!

ugh

2009-12-01T20:06:00.000-08:00

Feeling exhausted..and have the feeling i am be abused on this rotation..HEY doc I do NOT like hospital food..if you are going to let me leave for the day please do it before lunch and not right after lunch (I would much rather go home and eat duh!). Also, just because you are working 21 days in a row does NOT mean I need to, in fact I am not allowed to by 'school rules' but since you grade me I feel like I can't say anything to you about that. Well, anyways two days down like 19 to go...or something like that!

Ps. I can't stand internal medicine..not for me! Wish I could just skip it. I am bored!

Boy oh boy

2009-11-24T14:46:00.000-08:00

I started my internal medicine rotation yesterday..so far it is okay but just not my thing. I find it completely uninteresting..ugh! what is up with starting so early in the morning anyways lol. I must make it through the next four weeks. My doc is kind of crazy anyways. He is working something like the next 21 days in a row and expects me to do the same..I know it is silly but we are not supposed to work weekends as students..we are only students. How does he expect me to work so many days in a row! It is just nuts.

Oh and why are docs so weird for the most part?? For instance, today a nephrologist on the floor was talking about how he loves to fart in the isle at grocery stores and watching people walk by? So odd.

Also, I am stilling here worried about everything in my life right now...praying to God that he help my through it! I don't know why I put myself in these positions.

2009-11-04T17:26:00.001-08:00

Done with radiology. I am happy about that. I loved the doctors I was with just not radiology itself. It was a lot more boring than I expected. I guess it just isn't for me. My doctors did make an effort to show me more ob/gyn related topics when we had a break. We did have a TON of mammos. Thanks breast cancer awareness month!

sleep sleep

2009-10-28T12:10:00.001-07:00

I am currently on Radiology, which is pretty awesome I must say, however, you have hardly any interactions with other people! I have fallen asleep, well almost, the last three days. It is hard to sit in a dark room like that for hours and nod off especially when you aren't doing much! The doc I am with is great. He is really funny but just not much of a people person. Today he asked me what my top five albums were since he says he can learn a lot about someone based one what music they listen. I totally agree with that since I am such a huge fan of music myself! He also keeps trying to talk me out of being an OB (in a joking way!). He says..why would you do that to yourself? They have a horrible lifestyle! I have a great lifestyle..be a radiologist! He has also told me that he really can't stand talking to patients and hearing about their problems and that third year was the worse year of medical school for him since he actually had to talk to patients...good thing you are a radiologist buddy! He is a really cool guy though. He doesn't really have social skills though! If you had more patient interaction with radiology I might actually consider it...but since you really don't, I don't think I could handle that for the rest of my life!

long day

2009-10-23T17:04:00.000-07:00

Today was my last day of OB/GYN. It was great for the most part. However, I was traumatized from watching my first circumcision. It was horrible! I felt so bad for the little guy. Who would want their two day old baby strapped to the table and screaming like that? So sad!!

One last day...

2009-10-22T13:29:00.000-07:00

So tomorrow is my last day of my OB/GYN rotation, which I am very sad about! It has been a really great rotation with both positives and negatives but mostly positives. I am exhausted but not wanting it to be over yet! My doc and I had a great explanation of VBACs today. He is one of the only doc's around the area that will do them (at another hospital!). A woman actually came in today with a very early pregnancy. She had drove about 45 min to come see him. Together they discussed and planned her VBAC. After she left I asked him how he feels about VBACs. He said that he has done about 200 and he has not had anything go wrong yet. He feels that he can do VBACs as long as he is really comfortable with it, which in most cases he is. He even said that in most of these cases, he felt that the first c-section was not necessary. He said this ,"Most of these sections were just done so someone could get to their golf game probably". This made me laugh but it is probably very true, which is sad.

Holy Batman!

2009-10-20T20:10:00.000-07:00

So tonight I went and heard Gloria Steinem give a speech..it was amazing! She is so fantastic and there were so many people there which surprised me! Our little group of medical students for choice got a picture with her at the end which was great and can't wait to get a copy of it! I even got the nerve up to stand up and ask her a question. I asked something like what she thought about medicine restricting the birth rights of mothers in the country (aka blocking vbacs and vaginal breeches etc) and how important it is to support the birth rights of women in this country as well as the rights of abortion. She gave a good response, mostly I can't remember right now but she did say that it is a very important part of the feminist movement and always should be. I am so tired right now..maybe I'll right more later.

ohhhh and I did my first vaginal birth today!!! So AWESOME! The mom did a fantastic job.

pressure

2009-10-19T14:54:00.000-07:00

Today I was in L % D with my doc checking up on a patient and another physician came in. This physician is one we assist on almost all his surgeries with because he broke both wrists in a freak racquetball accident (dont ask me!). Both of them are pretty cool but the other one, not my doc, is pretty old school about things. Both of them were looking at the monitoring of all the patients on the computer monitors and he asked my doc if he would help him do a section on one of the women there. My doc looked at the girl's strip and proceeded to talk the other doc out of sectioning her and said that she would deliver naturally and the decelerations on the strip were nothing to worry about..he was 100% sure that she would deliver vaginally if he just gave her the time to do so. He actually talked the other doc out of doing a c-section..pretty cool! However, it is kinda sad because this shouldn't be a cool or different thing to see...this should be the norm..not doing sections..ugh.

Sorry if this doesn't make sense..I am exhausted and awaiting yet another phone call which is sure to come in the middle of the night. Sad that OB/GYN is coming to an end this week!

One more week to go

2009-10-17T21:01:00.000-07:00

As I sit here waiting for a phone call from my doc to come in for a delivery (hopefully!) I am realizing it is my last weekend on call for OB, which is making me sad. After I switched doctors I have really enjoyed my rotation. I like both the OB and the GYN part, I love doing procedures in the office, I love all the baby stuff (esp the ultrasounds my doc does!) and I like the surgeries. So, it is good that I switched so I wasn't dreading everyday of a rotation that I could potentially love. My new doc is a world difference then the old one. In fact, after discussing things with my school I think they are planning on removing all students from future rotations with such doc. Yay! No one should ever have to learn from such a person!

Anyways, my new doc and I had a good conversation on Friday about fetal monitoring during labor. He actually said as good as it is he feels like it hasn't really decreased fetal death rates that much or decreased cerebral palsy rates that much either..it has only, in his opinion, increased c-section rates which is not beneficial to mom or baby. He talks a lot about how things have changed since he started practice and how things are now and this is just another one of those topics. He loves to teach and I really am happy that he is so good with his patients and has some of the same opinions as I do on the birthing process!

Also, I am trying to read as much as I can..but it is sooo hard when you don't have tests! haha

I am site representative for my hospital site, that means if anyone has a problem they can talk to me first before the school or if any second years have questions about coming here then they can email me and I'll figure out the answers for them. UGH it is becoming really annoying! I can not believe some of these second years. They are really freaking out about this decision. I have finally emailed most of them saying you will get what you want to get out of your rotations, they are what you make them! Any place you choose to go will good docs and bad docs, you can't avoid that! They are driving me nuts.

Fall seems to be here but it is rainy and cold outside and almost feels like winter...besides it is supposed to snow here tomorrow! booo! Even though I love winter, I would like some nice fall days and nights too!

2009-10-15T16:27:00.001-07:00

http://www.cnn.com/2009/HEALTH/10/15/hospitals.ban.vbacs/index.html

To induce or not to induce

2009-10-14T15:20:00.000-07:00

Today my doctor and I had a discussion on when to induce and when not to. I feel like I am in learning a lot from him, both in things that I don't want to do as a doctor and things I do want to do (if that makes any sense!). Today he tried to talk two women out of induction. Both women are in their 39th week of pregnancy and are having a miserable time, at least that is what they both said last week and this week. In fact, one of the women starting crying today saying she just wanted the baby already! Both asked him if he could induce them. With both he told them he would rather wait until the baby came naturally on its own terms. He told them that natural labor compared to induction is easier and better for mom and baby. He said if natural labor is 100% good then induction is only about 30%. He said some other things to them but it didn't matter. Both wanted to be induced, so I have two inductions tomorrow! Afterwards we discussed the whole induction thing. He says he tries to talk women out of it but what can you do when a woman, your patient, is asking you and begging you to induce her. The hospital I am at has an induction rate of ... 80%! He said that is just crazy and doesn't understand why it is so high. He says he does his best not to give in. He says if a woman really just wants to have the baby because she is being 'broken down' by the pregnancy then he will but only after 39 weeks. He says anyone who does anything before that point is really endangering the baby and its health. We even read an article together on induction and elective C's before 39 weeks and how much worse the baby's stats are compared to after 39 weeks. He says he is really ashamed of some of his fellow OB's. I can't blame him. I feel like he is a good doctor and does the best that he can but in the city we are in/state we are in the people are just a certain way and follow tradition..or what they see everyone else doing. If everyone else they know got induced, they want that too. It is frustrating but you need to make your patients happy as well as healthy which is a balance in this case. I just hope I can be firm in not allowing this when I become a doctor and have my own practice but I know I will have to be able to make money and I hope that not inducing will not be a problem.

my first call!

2009-10-13T17:50:00.001-07:00

Today I was called to the hospital for my first emergency. A 35 year woman in labor at the hospital, I was so excited! She had had two previous vaginal births both almost 9 pounds. However, she was breech in this delivery. Our hospital doesn't allow breech births really unless there is "no way to stop it to do a c-section"..sucks I know!! Well, they let her labor for awhile but off to the OR she went eventually. The c-section went great. When the doc pulled the baby out I was like WHOA that is a big baby! Almost 10 pounds! Crazy! Too bad she wasn't able to deliver vaginally because of the breech (stupid hospital rules!). Even my doc says the hospital rules really bothers him sometimes because he feels like a lot of his patients could deliver vaginally (he means mostly VBACS I think) if the hospital would allow it. I think the other hospital in town does offer VBAC deliveries but I am not sure...but a lot more people deliver there I know.

a complete 180

2009-10-08T16:31:00.001-07:00

yes! the school is great and has given me an OB that is great. He has his negatives too but I really am enjoying him. He loves to teach which is great.

My current OB/GYN attending did his residency at Yale and was even chief resident there so he knows his stuff and loves to teach which is great. He told me he agrees with VBACs but he can't do them at the hospital since they don't allow them. He has said to me a lot that labor is natural and should happen naturally...but his patients ask him so much to be induced that he does but not til 39 weeks...ugh I can't believe the patients that do this! I can't believe he does it and lets his patients do it too! He does not do elective C-sections. He actually had a woman last week who was in labor in +1 that would not push. She actually said no when he asked her to push..he said you can push this baby out in like three pushes or less and she said nope I will not push. He said well I will have to section you and she said yep I know so do it! ahhhh I couldn't believe it! He is also very pro breast feeding and has no information in his office for formula or anything like that which is great! He has a great relationship with a lactation consultant in the same building as well. I am doing so much better in my new office and am loving it! We have a lady in labor now..she has been for almost 3 days! I am hoping she will deliver tonight so I can see it!

New, Fresh Start

2009-10-04T17:54:00.000-07:00

My school has decided that this is not the best situation for me. They are moving me to a new physician tomorrow! Yes!! Hopefully tomorrow will be a lot better..I just hope this next doc doesnt suck..but I must stay positive!

Tonight I wanted something sweet...so I made the best chocolate icing ever! yummy

I also had an amazing weekend with the boyfriend..it is so nice when he comes to visit!

I dont even have words..

2009-10-01T20:51:00.000-07:00

of how disappointed I am! I am currently on my OB/GYN rotation. I love OB...it is what I want to be I think. I, however, am hating my rotation. It has nothing to do with OB itself. It has nothing to do with OB itself...it has everything to do with my attending. I can't stand him and it has only been 4 days! So here it is

The second I walk into the office on Monday morning I smell something weird but don't think anything of it at the time. I wait around for an hour til my doc finally shows up...why no doctor can be on time is beyond me and why all of them are at least 30 min late! I hope I am somewhat on time! Anyways, I start talking to my doctor, he seems okay. We go to see a patient and he...no joke...says to the patient "well, you know women can't do anything without a man so...". I say to myself okay is this doc going to be one of those guys? The day goes on, he pimps me a lot, I talk to the staff etc. Pretty normal stuff. Then I am talking to him in his office and he LIGHTS UP A CIG and starts smoking. In his office. in his OB/GYN office! No wonder I smelled something! This is a. illegal b. unethical c. not safe for his patients or office workers! I get up and leave the room. Since then he has said stuff like Male docs are superior to Female docs blah blah blah. He also told an 18 year old today ..who has 2 kids already that she should get preg and not take birth control because he doesn't think women should take BC since they are meant to have children! Who would advise that??? Who??? So frustrated because I cant do anything. Can't say anything. AHHHHH. This is horrible. I want to tell someone but who? I need to talk to my advisor about this to see if I can somehow switch to someone else's service. I hope I can. I also want to tell on him..but how and to whom? He should not be smoking.

any advice?

surgery...surgery...surgery

2009-09-07T12:02:00.000-07:00

So I have one week down on my surgery rotation and three to go! I actually relaly enjoyed my first week and was not as stressed as I belived I would be. I like seeing the surgeries too. Next up I have OB-GYN which I can't wait for!! Should be really great!

I dont understand what the big deal is with the President's speech to school children. I heard that my childhood school is not showing it which I think is just crazy. I know that is just because I live in a republican area. The school said they are taping it but I have heard from several sources that is a lie and the school will not tape it and not permit teachers to show it to their classes. A speech to children about the importance of education and hard work should not be political..and it should not be someone's own political views that diecide whether or not the child hears our president speak to them on such matters. What is the big deal? Why shouldn't children hear their president speak to them? What is wrong with a speech on education? ugh...http://i2.cdn.turner.com/cnn/2009/images/09/07/obama.school.speech.pdf . One of my parents' VERY conservative friends even said this - who gives the right to schools, school boards and teachers to override what the president thinks is best! He said he didn't see any agenda being pushed and didn't see anything wrong with talking to them about education. It is just so sad to me that our country is so polarized that conservatives won't even let their children hear a speech from the president. So Sad!

Ps. I just watched Oudin play and she is just really great!

whew

2009-07-23T11:49:00.000-07:00

so...another post finally. see i dont have internet at my apartment so it is hard to update and when i do have access i never really think about it...my life has been crazy since i started rotaitons. i am doing about 12 hr days on average, sometimes less and sometimes more. i am all over the hosptial, admits, er, icu etc. i do everything the doctor does and i feel like i am learning a lot!! it is hard work but it is pretty great and i feel lucky to be with such a great doctor. i have a break this week though because my doc is at a conference. i am taking the time to catch up on some school readings, school papers and some research for some of my docs patients. i also bought a car! whoa i know...a 2010 subaru forester. crazy! other than that i have nothing to report.

interesting things i have seen in the hospital: drainage of a perianal abscess (sick!), sinus transverse totaltis, the swine flu..ohhhhhh, a super high serum calcium (18!) for no reason at all (this is one of the cases i am researching seeing what i can figure out), klienfelters, and lots of other things!

2009-07-03T07:34:00.000-07:00

First week done of FM1! It was actually really great...although I worked on average 11 hour days, which is fine I just get really tired! I have been doing H and Ps, orders, discharges, progress notes and all kinds of other things. It is really busy, but I at least am getting way more comfortable just talking to people about their problems! I love this soo much more than school..haha

2009-06-19T07:36:00.000-07:00

Finished my boards!! Feels so good! I just hope I passes so I dont have to redo it!

2009-06-05T12:36:00.001-07:00

http://www.snagfilms.com/films/watch/under_our_skin/

2009-06-04T20:07:00.000-07:00

Here I am...about two weeks away from boards. soo scared. not sure what to read next..micro, pharm, path ??? just so many options. kaplan has become my best friend over the past few weeks. I just hope I can manage it all to pass! taking this test again would suck. I think I am going to take a practice test either tomorrow or Sunday...well not a full one just a half one (I already took the full practice one our school offered to us). I can't wait til this is over, I start my FM1, which I just found out is here so I can stay with my boyfriend for a few more months and it also counts for my RHEP! My posts should become more exciting after this test is over and I actually start working

2009-06-01T10:07:00.000-07:00

can't wait to see this..

http://www.apple.com/trailers/focus_features/awaywego/

2009-05-30T06:06:00.000-07:00

Board studying is so hard right now! Two more weeks ahhhhh.....starting to really freak out about the amount of material...

Really excited about next weekend..wedding in Columbus. It will be a great day off for me!

2009-05-19T09:09:00.000-07:00

What else..

2009-05-13T10:45:00.000-07:00

I am officially finished with one more school thing..ACLS. I am so glad that is over with..now only OSCEs next week and I am in the clear for board studying. Studying for boards is becoming like a big black cloud over my head and I'm trying my best not to see that its there but eventually I wont be able to overlook it. It is just hard for me to focus on school work and board studying and finding a place to live next year. Why is it so hard to find a place to live in Charleston, it is like people dont know what the internet is or how to return an email or phone call. It really makes me mad.

this though makes me happy:

http://www.cnn.com/2009/POLITICS/05/13/new.york.same.sex.marriage/

2009-05-05T20:13:00.001-07:00

http://www.rubbishfreeyear.co.nz/index.php

seeing the light

2009-04-30T10:35:00.000-07:00

Well..I'm done. finished with second year (at least the test aspect). Its been a long haul this year but I got through unscathed. Now I'm sitting here finishing up on some mandatory modules for our clinical skills class and preparing myself for a night of board studying! fun stuff I tell ya. Figuring out what to study first is hard..biochem, pharm, micro, immuno, blah! More and more studying to come in the next few weeks, hopefully I can manage it all.

The boyfriend is going out of town tonight...boo. However, it is greys night with the girls, so maybe I wont miss him too much since he doesn't watch the show anyways.

Ps. trying to find housing in Charleston is hard, esp when you don't have time to go look for it...hoping something will work out in the near future so I can stop stressing out about it!

onward i go

2009-04-27T18:42:00.000-07:00

Last systems exam ever!!

Now on to studying for my last OPP practical!!

One step at a time...eventually I reach that light at the end of the tunnel

giving it a go

2009-04-25T12:13:00.000-07:00

so. here i am.

Decided I should create a journal to document the up coming time in my life so I will have something to look back upon later. I am finishing up my second year of medical school (last tests on Monday and Tuesday!). I will be studying for boards and then off to rotations in June. This is going to change my life, hopefully for the better. I am so happy to be done with classes and craming for exams. blah. well, I guess i'm going to get back to it...study study study!